The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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