and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
