zippers are such a cool invention
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
