Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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