did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
