soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
