It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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