Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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