You're my little dorito
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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