Betty ford says i'm here all night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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