I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
