how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
