If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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