so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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