It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
