I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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