I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
