Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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