I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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