Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I smell stomach acid.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
