I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
