your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
