I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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