please come you make the beer taste better
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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