My friends, they love my intelligence
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
