my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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