Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
