Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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