I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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