do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
