Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
