Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is classic penis vs brain.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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