Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I currently don't understand fingers.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
