just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
