I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
