Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
