conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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