i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Randomize
