Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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