Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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