now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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