Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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