We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
