Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
