Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need help removing her.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
