mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
