What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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