u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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