Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
