Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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