he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the day after is always just damage control
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
