Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
