I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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