My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
