i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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